shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
