Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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