God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
