Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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