Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
