i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Let's get the cat blown out
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
