are you so shy because you have an std?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i out mim tonsoeep
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