I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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