do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
