and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
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I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
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Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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