the new term for farting is butt boxing.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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