I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
