OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
