Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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