i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Come share oat with me in your robe
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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