next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
