Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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