Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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