Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
