I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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