i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
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Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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