Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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