Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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