Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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