How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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