I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
40s are totally the cure
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
