After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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