My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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