At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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