it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
