i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
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Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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