If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
