Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
