ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
well you can't waste a boner
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
