I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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