We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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