You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
