i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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