Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
