Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why didn't you poke me back
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
