So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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