I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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