God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
