I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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