She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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