sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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