Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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