Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
