We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
we should paint friendship bongs
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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