why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
