Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
