Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
