She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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