yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
