her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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