Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
