Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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