I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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