i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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