He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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