I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
