Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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