So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize