yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
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