You really coming over, don't trick.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
