So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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