Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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