May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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