Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
