So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
